Day 8: The Stories We Tell

The stories we tell today become the convictions we live by tomorrow

Today was classroom day #2, and I couldn't wait. Why? Because I have a genuine love for hearing people's stories. It's incredible how much insight and understanding we gain from knowing someone's experiences—the very essence of who they are. As Dr. Jones says, "You are the sum total of your experiences." And just like in movies or TV shows, I find myself drawn to those scenes that delve into the characters' backgrounds. It creates a deeper connection to the story and its people. So, the impact is even more profound regarding the real individuals in our world.

Listening to stories has always been a significant part of my journey. I vividly recall my first meeting as a staff pastor with a congregant. Equipped with the ESPN model (Encourage, Scripture, Prayer, Next Steps) I had been trained in, I felt a mix of nerves and confidence. I was ready to offer encouragement, share relevant scripture, pray, and guide them towards practical next steps. Little did I know the immense challenge that lay ahead. This young man confided in me about his secret relationship with another man from our church. The complexity of his situation intensified as he described the pain of seeing his partner with his own family, who were actively involved in various areas of our church. I was taken aback. As he opened up about his abusive past, family abandonment, and struggles with substance abuse, I realized that my usual approach wouldn't be enough.

I desperately searched for the right words and scriptures that could truly resonate with him. Despite studying books on Christian counseling that offered guidance for applying biblical references to daily life, my mind went blank in that moment. The ESPN model no longer felt relevant. When he finished sharing, I expressed gratitude for his openness and told him how proud I was of him. I found a scripture that conveyed God's love, and we prayed together. I assured him that I would follow up in the days to come. He felt a sense of relief, grateful for the absence of judgment.

That day, I learned a powerful lesson about everyone's origin story. Each person has pivotal moments where different circumstances and choices could have led to entirely different paths. People are not problems to be solved—they carry complex histories and past traumas that shape their present behaviors. While the ESPN model is well-intentioned, it lacks a fundamental component: listening. Now, I still use ESPN, but only after dedicating considerable time to truly listening—to the person and to God.

Today, I had the privilege of simply listening. I listened as my fellow counselors and friends shared their own origin stories. There were moments filled with laughter as we heard tales of pets, favorite foods, and cherished traditions. And there were also heavy moments, with stories of abuse, addiction, childhood trauma, and abandonment. My pastoral role compels me to jump straight into ESPN mode to bring resolve to everything; my therapist role requires that I don't. Today I listened to the stories. The only scripture that came to mind was Psalm 46:10 (NLT): "Be still, and know that I am God!" The emphasis was on stillness and trusting in God's control. It was an invitation to pause, sit with Him, and understand that He can handle it all. Share your pain, and know that He can handle it. Unveil your disappointments, and know that they won't scare Him away. He can handle it.

Today, I experienced a fresh revelation of being present and trusting in God's presence. As we processed and continued sharing, more vulnerability emerged. It wasn't about finding immediate solutions or closure. Instead, it was about learning that it's okay not to be okay. We can be authentic in these moments, knowing that we are loved, safe, and truly heard—because God can handle it all.

During the first lecture, Dr. Lawson spoke about the adaptive self, which represents the layers we accumulate to adapt and survive. I've been contemplating this concept for months. The goal of counseling isn't to discover a whole new version of yourself; it's about peeling back those layers to reveal the authentic you. Today, I believe we all shed some of those layers, bringing us closer to our true selves. The stories we tell today become our healing for tomorrow. We are only as healthy as our secrets. The stories we tell today become the convictions we live by tomorrow. 

Keith Pittman